Marry someone who is dying

For instance, one way to deal with intense grief is to focus the pain elsewhere. After the death of a loved one, people tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the relationship—remembering conversations or experiences you had together, revisiting joyful and meaningful moments and also those you regret or wish had gone differently.

But instead of helping you deal with your pain and move forward, they start to take over your life. Similarly, with OCD, people may temporarily quell their anxiety by repeatedly performing a ritual such as flicking the lights on and off or compulsively washing their hands. Often when one person in a marriage is seriously ill, the couple directs all of their energy toward this person, even though the illness is also excruciatingly hard on the partner.

I once treated a woman who was dying of cancer, and although her husband had been loving and attentive throughout their ordeal, he had also been suffering in silence. So what happens to their feelings of helplessness, sadness, fear, or rage? They might pick fights with their partner. They might yell at their partner. They might avoid their partner, and busy themselves with other interests or people.

They might not be as helpful as they had imagined they would be, not only because of the exhaustion that sets in during these situations, but also because of the resentment: How dare you show me so much love, even in your suffering, and then leave me.

I have shared this with a couple of close friends and they have made strong arguments for both sides. The proponents feel that this is just a financial decision. Those against feel it is unethical to essentially marry for money. When people do marry for money, they tend to keep it to themselves. Maybe they just got used to having each other around. Many couples who no longer live together or love each other — they may even loathe each other!

Some people, of course, even end up living happily ever after. Just like in the movies. And so to you: You both dated and now share a valuable friendship. There are all kinds of love. You can dislike a person and still love their humanity. You can love a friend who used to be a boyfriend or girlfriend, but in a different way. Here are the other conditions. Ask a lawyer about any exceptions for federal employees.

I tend not to listen to the Greek Chorus of friends, frenemies or family when making important personal decisions. Sure, I have my trusted sources, but everyone brings their own political, personal and ideological views to your predicament. Many arranged marriages are very successful. In fact, all marriages are — in one way or another — arranged. If anything, there are more accounts that you, if you were his widow, could benefit from. You may, if you were his widow, benefit from his health insurance even after he dies.

This goes far beyond just Social Security, and it could help you have a retirement free from worry and financial instability. Think carefully about all of these possibilities and talk them through with your friend. You are the very opposite of money grabbing. If you want to give the person that right, you can give them a durable power of attorney over health care.

That will let your partner — or whomever you name — make important health-care decisions if you're unable to. This is separate from a living will, which states your wishes if you are on life support or suffer from a terminal condition. This helps guide your proxy's decision-making. And if you have no one named, medical personnel must follow your wishes in that document.

Additionally, you might want to give your partner durable power of attorney for your finances. This would allow them to handle your money, including accessing your accounts as necessary, if you cannot.

Similarly, if you and your partner have dependents, make sure you designate a guardian for them in your will.

Otherwise, that decision will be left to the courts. Skip Navigation. Key Points. There are a number of documents that unwed partners can put in place if they want to make sure each is protected if the other person passes away. Maggie Kirchhoff and her partner of 13 years, Matt, have no intention of ever getting married. And, as mentioned, end-of-life considerations need some attention. That said, a will alone won't necessarily cover all your bases.

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